Tuesday, September 15, 2009


This week has really been a bit of a crazy mess. I have been to two different sets of auditions for our daughter, not to mention to start of a new year of ballet classes. The first audition, being the annual production of The Nutcracker, and the second Annie. I hate going to these, in fact I often try to bribe Veronica to go in my place, but alas I had to go to both. However, I have found that even though these things take hours out of my day and I generally end up dreading the thought of being there. those crazy STAGE MOMS always make me laugh.

If you know anything about the life of an actor, or if you have watched TV at all, you know the extremes of what these moms do. We have all heard the stories of the screaming moms tearing into directors or choreographers, or the ones that push their children to the point of breaking. I have also witnessed firsthand the mom chowing down on McDonald's and doughnuts, while feeding their ballerina daughters nothing, but dry carrot sticks and only letting them drink water so they will be skinny enough to play Clara, or the moms that will do anything(and I mean ANYTHING) to get their children a part. Although, some of these are scary to think about they are worse to be involved with directly, some of these moms have been right in my face as a director for a show. Still they are not the ones that I want to talk about really...even though they give me plenty of material to work with.

Like I said before these STAGE MOMS make me laugh, I like the ones that are just over the top enough to be on the funny end of things. For instance, the moms that have the same contemporary haircut as their daughters ,because it makes them look like sisters, or for some reason makes them believe they will get their own ticket into the world of modeling and acting side by side with their child. This kind of mom is not harmful like the previous ones, although their children may argue differently with me, but still no one is being threatened. Last night I got to witness the whole variety of these types of funny moms. I saw two kicked out of the auditorium for sneaking in to watch their daughters dance for a role in ANNIE, and then I watched them immediately walk up the stairs and try to get in through the balcony entrance. There was also a group of moms standing around plotting car pooling because they knew which one of their daughters would be Annie and the others orphans for sure, even though over 150 children were auditioning for 26 total roles. Yet, these moms already had it figured out before auditions even started. Lastly, somehow I got to be part of a discussion from a group of moms that were all wanting my opinion on the song their children should be singing for an audition, because I had been talking to a friend of ours explaining it was not the best idea to have her niece sing HARD KNOCK LIFE. I somehow became a guru for these moms and they all thought I had the magic key and would not stop asking for it until I told them that as a director I never wanted to hear the same song, sung badly by 90 kids and that I would pick the kid that dared to sing something different even if they weren't the best...and then I got watch the moms scramble through their Broadway Song Books looking for a new song five minutes before their children walked into sing.

Now, as funny as these moms were, the ones of Saturday was just as hilarious to me. The Nutcracker is a mess all of its own, and Ballet Moms are a special breed too. These moms will try to sabotage the other children by bringing cookies, brownies, cake, doughnuts everything you can imagine to eat...but you will notice their daughters never touch the stuff. The studio were the auditions were held, made for a very interesting experience for me this year. The rooms have very small 2'X2' viewing window, but the blinds had been pulled and about a three inch gap remained. In this little gap, moms were pushing and nudging, but nicely no meanies here, to get an eye full of the glory of the heavenly view of the inside of the studio where their daughters were dancing. Although, you could see what was happening none of it made any since to them, because what the saw were girls standing in a line being told to sit, stand, walk, stop, stand, walk, sit, stand, and sit again. However, from this little slat of a glorious viewing arena the cast had been selected in several of their minds. These moms congratulated each other. announcing the titles of the characters fellow moms would be proud to have for their daughters, and they began discussing gifts they should look into buying for the show.

Now, don't get me wrong, I am one of the proudest dads in the world when Cloudya lands a role or gets an audition for a national commercial. Still, I can honestly say that when I see these moms twice a week, and more during rehearsals, every time I simply end up shaking my head and wondering what in the world we have done to ourselves. Cloudya being the child that wants to be on stage and having two parents with a strong background in the arts does not have the edge that these moms think they are giving their daughters. Instead, Cloudya will forever have to suffer with the mother that says "Well honey if you want to do it go ahead and audition, but remember you may not get the part you want, or you may not get one at all" not to to mention having a father that does not want to go to auditions except to stare and laugh at all the crazy STAGE MOMS full on in their antics.

So just remember moms that I might be there and I will be watching you and more then likely I will write about you

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